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We the People...

Should Call For a New U.S. Constitution...It's Time

I don't give a shit how long its been or how far Black people (and others) have come since 1789. 

NO. FUCKING. BODY... should be allowed to hide behind freedom of speech to spew and express racial, religious, gender-based, and non-heterosexual hatred towards others. Hiding behind a 228-year old document? Cowards.

What the First Amendment SHOULD have given to ALL Americans was the right to speak our minds... WITHOUT espousing hatred to, for, and against each other for whatever fucking reason.

Now you see, that little differentiation I just made, between the unadulterated free speech style we have now, and the hate-free speech right to speak candidly style we should've had this whole time instead... should have been made perfectly clear in big ass, bold ass, black letters in the Constitution. It should have, and it wasn't. 

Same is true with the right to bear arms. Sure, it was a different time, they were scared of British Redcoats and French guys named Jacques and Pierre... and so-called 'Savages'... and Freed slaves... and Slave plantation revolts. 

But the government in 1789 is nothing like the government of 2017... 

Cause, look, today our government has maybe only one or two fears...

1) Muslims and 2) Transpeople, especially in bathrooms and the military... oh yeah, I forgot and gay people, too...

Wait? And educated women, also...

Shit, and poor people... and sick people... and handicapped people...

Wait? Not done... and college students... and indigenous Americans... and Arabs... and Latinos... and, actually, just immigrants in general, fuck the bullshit. 

Uhhh, not done... and old people... and babies (like small, small babies and shit)... and fetuses (yeah, crazy!), and... what else? It's right at the tip of my tongue, too, you know? Shit. Uhhh... It starts with a B, or an N, depending on your cultural upbringing. It'll come back to me, moving on...

The Second Amendment grants us the right to bear arms. Unfortunately, America took that right a little too seriously since the amendment was ratified over 200 years ago (because we're dumb). Guns should not be flooding the streets in the manner that they are now. If you're a small business owner (i.e. gas station, convenient store, etc.), you should absolutely have a gun to defend yourself, especially if you're located in "the Hood." Same goes for single parents who live in the middle of fucking nowhere, in some shitty shit town (...or village), where the nearest sheriff's office or police station is 2 hours away by car. 

People like the ones above... DEFINITELY get a gun, no argument there from me on that. And you know what? I actually do believe our citizenry should be prepared to serve as a volunteer, standing militia in the event of invasion or if the government turns on us and starts killing us in the streets one day (...wait???). Its a no-brainer, we need to have guns for both of those reasons, as a populace. 


That doesn't mean Jimmy John Cuntbaggs from Nowhere, TX should have a personal arsenal in his home (or wherever) that is equivalent to one the size of an FBI field office! Like Good God?!?! No! That's way too goddamn excessive, and any reasonable-minded person reading this, undoubtedly knows that. Period. 

When we let the few hunting fanatics, the sharpshooting sportsmen, and the gun-collecting enthusiasts (like the Jimmy Johns of the world) dictate to the many—who are not gun lovers—the degree or extent (i.e. 300 guns for ONE private owner) to which one MUST be allowed to go to in order to secure and protect whatever it is they wish... then we all lose. Why can't you protect your family with a pistol? Why does it have to be 50 or 100 double-barrel shotguns with the velocity of an RPG projectile and, like, five infrared lasers and a microscopic lens?? There is absolutely no reason for one ordinary, everyday individual to possess guns with that much firepower and in that much quantity. 

The right to bear arms is a right afforded to us by the Second Amendment of the US Constitution... but that DOES NOT MEAN YOU GO OUT AND BUY AS MANY GUNS AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! Like WTF?!?! 

What the second amendment SHOULD have said was, "Absolutely, you have the right to bear arms... in accordance with everyday, common-sensed conditions, as well as in the event of invasion OR aggressive governmental tyranny." And among those conditions, there would be a cap on how many guns one could buy (i.e. less than 10 per civilian) AND people with violent criminal histories would have NO shot (pun unintended) at owning a gun legally. Furthermore, background checks would be far more strenuous (up to a year) and private gun retailers would be forced to comply with harsher gun law restrictions. 

But, in the end, we (you... most of us) would still get guns! And never again would we have to hear shit like, "My 2nd Amendment Rights are being trampled on!!" (I'd a missed that, though, that shit cracks me up every time). School shootings would disappear overnight, guns would vacate the street like cockroaches fleeing from the light. All would be good, all would be safe, shit would be cool. 

It'll come back to me, moving on...

Ok, so, the U.S. Constitution allows for revision under Article V, but that isn’t the only answer. We also could change the Constitution entirely. The people of the United States are sovereign (are we not?). The outsized words “We the People” at the beginning of the Constitution... really signals that the ultimate authority in this country resides with the people and not with the government or any other entity of power — not even in the Constitution.

The Constitutional Convention of 1787 gives us the precedent of a group of people coming together and writing a substitution for existing law. They did not revise the Articles of Confederation. They trashed it and replaced it with something better. And the same thing can be done again, replacing the existing Constitution with something better. Anyone who denies this does not believe Americans are a free and sovereign people. Even I believe that and you all know how I feel about certain things in this fucking country.

“Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes.”

We should not toss off the existing Constitution merely because it is outdated or because we're pissed off with the way the country is being managed. Every American should recognize that replacing the old Constitution is the natural right of the living nation. Obviously, this isn’t at all, likely to happen soon. But today isn’t forever.

The millennial generation, really and truly, should be developing a new Constitution, with a stronger Bill of Rights and whatever other new provisions make sense (to and for them) in the 21st Century. Also, they should patiently develop these ideas, and wait until the hostile, older (Greatest & Boomer) generations have passed on. Then, they can proceed to adopt a Constitution that seems to them (based on careful and responsible consideration) a better way to…

Form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to [them]selves and [their] Posterity.”

The way in which America operates no longer. It's just like when Apple sends us those damn upgrade notifications, because our iPhones need to be updated in order to keep operating at a level of affectivity that is respectable. 


This is your upgrade notification. Please, for the love of God or whoever the hell else you pray to, upgrade your Constitution. It is for the betterment of all Americans, pay no mind to the loud and uncouth voices screaming about guns, though. They'll be fine. 

We all will be, if you just upgrade that fucking document. Thanks (asshole).