Let me start by saying I am not an American. I am a British woman. So I don't know a great deal about your politics, but I know a really bad President when I see one. "Snowflake!" I hear you cry, but let me stop you there. Okay? Thanks.
I don't care who is President of the USA. I don't care whether they are a "businessman," a recovering alcoholic, or a sex pest. What I care about is how they conduct themselves and how they treat people. As a Brit, I am a big fan of proper decorum and statesman like behavior. So no matter who the president might be, they should behave as such, like a President. You can tell everything about a person (not just a man) by how they treat those less fortunate than themselves.
So in light of your recent terrible decision, I would like to offer you an alternative, and that alternative comes in the form of the multi-talented Nick Offerman. I know he is not a politician, but hey, neither is the President.
Not that I really need one, because it speaks for itself, but I have prepared an argument as to why I believe that Nick Offerman should be the President of the United States Of America.
He works hard.
A talented craftsman, he clearly knows how to put in effort to become good at something, building his business from the ground up. He doesn't shy away from manual labor and knows the importance of "mucking in" and getting your hands dirty. The President of the USA should not be afraid to do a bit of hard graft and shouldn't be worried about getting their suit dirty or chipping their manicure.
He wants to defend people who are treated badly.
I can't find the damned interview now, but he said something along the lines of that he saw it as his duty to fight for people who were being treated unfairly, and that included gay people and women. What's not to love about that? The president should always treat people fairly.
He has respect for women.
With an awesome wife like Megan Mullally, how could you not? He has no problem in showing support for women, even taking part in women's marches to show his solidarity. He treats his wife with the kind of love, respect, and adoration that most people can only dream of.
He says what we are all thinking.
His tweets are famous and his manner abrupt. He has the most remarkable way of cutting through the BS and just letting people know that they have every right to say what they did, but that they are wrong and stupid. He is a savage and we love him for that. Just ask Piers Morgan.
He doesn't take himself too seriously.
He isn't a stuffy bore. He knows the ridiculousness of life and knows how to make fun of himself.
Megan Mullally would be the first lady.
Seriously, who in their right mind wouldn't want that? She's amazing, talented, hilarious, beautiful and she has more balls than your Chuck. E Cheese.
The rules would be simple.
I don't know the man, but I have a firm belief that the rules of the land would be simple and easy to remember. "Don't be a d**k." I imagine the punishment for breaking this rule would be more severe than the ones in place now, but I think it would be worth it. Oh and facial hair might become a legal requirement for those above the age of 14, but that's a small price to pay.
A Clear Choice
So there you have it. Those are my reasons why I think Nick Offerman should be the next President of the United States of America. I personally think it will be a landslide victory.
Oh and I just thought of another reason. He was Ron f***ing Swanson.