When Social Media Policy Allows Hateful Messages

I've been blogging for a number of years now, and what happened in the early hours of August 16 freaks me out. It does more than freak me out, though; it makes me angry.

Much of the writing I do has to do with LGBTQ advocacy and lately, I've been writing various articles about the misadventures occurring in the United States under the Trump administration. I certainly don't write about these topics to engender any sort of inflammatory response, but I do hope for what I've termed healthy discourse in the writing I do. I think it's fair to say that I don't try and start fights; my writing voice tends to be fairly calm in spite of my choice to write about the topics I do. The bottom line is, I really try to spark a conversation rather than a battle.

At around 4 in the morning, I found myself awake in bed and feeling somewhat restless. Like most people in that state, I reached for my phone and saw that I had a message. Rather, it was a message request on Facebook, and while I did not recognize the name, I was unconcerned. I belong to a few writing boards where the writers message back and forth, and didn't think much of receiving a message request. I clicked on it.

"Heterophobic sodomite leftist terrorist baby killer," was the message written.

Six words, written by someone with no profile picture for me to at least attempt to identify him by. That was likely intentional. When there is no anonymity, there is no place to hide, and people like the person who messaged me with such hateful words lose their perception of power.

Six words that don't even come close to the neighborhood where my soul lives, and they unsettled me greatly. That was the overall intent, to be sure, and it worked. I could not go back to sleep until I decided to report this person to Facebook's community operations for his hateful, abusive behavior. Also, since I didn't know this person, I blocked him right away. Then, I could sleep.

The next day, I received a response from Facebook's community operations department. They thanked me for filing a report, and then told me that the six words that were sent to me via a direct message were not a violation of their terms of service.

"Keep in mind that not everything that may be upsetting violates these standards," was what I was told.

Facebook's policy specific to bullying and harassment states that it must be "content that appears to purposefully target a person with the intention of degrading or shaming them, or repeatedly contacting a person despite that person’s clear desire and action to prevent contact." That's per the email I received.

So. I received a direct message from this person — I realize now that this person likely makes a habit of doing so — which apparently doesn't fall under the purposeful targeting piece of bullying and harassment? I was called a sodomite, a terrorist and a baby killer. There's no degradation or shaming in having those comments directed at me? I must have completely misunderstood the overall meaning of these terms.

Here's my problem. I'm in my 40s and strong minded enough at this stage of the game that I know who I am. I work with people — all kinds of them — and unlike individuals such as the person who deemed it necessary to bring his path into mine, I generally choose to embrace the humanity that surrounds me rather than pull them down to the lowest common denominator, or even lower.

I work with kids of many different beliefs and genders and sexualities, and I wouldn't change any of them; they're learning to respect each other for who they are, in addition to learning to respect themselves.

My problem lies in the fact that I worry for the kids who receive messages such as the one I received and get the response as I did from the very people who should be trying to stop it. It's completely unacceptable that this happened; while I now realize that this little troll who messaged me was effectively reading the things that I post, it took me a long heartsick while to get to that place in my head. Now, I want change.

So this is for you, #MarkZuckerberg, #SherylSandberg and others. Revisit the policies about appropriate behaviors online and look at what your company says it will do if someone receives a message anything like the one I received. Think about what it means when someone sends you a message like that, and work towards making Facebook — one of the world's most innovative tech companies — a place where people can go online and not have to worry about being attacked for their views.

While an even playing field is always a good thing when it comes to policy, sometimes, to do the right thing means that policies need changing. It means standing up and pushing for that change so that people feel safe. Hate should not find a new home on social media.