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"This Mueller investigation is so boring!" Trump complained loudly one night at the White House, forgetting that he was on the phone with bestie, Sean Hannity. Indeed, the Mueller storyline has been playing out for many moons, and the main attraction, POTUS himself hasn't even made an appearance in the story. Second rate players have all been indicted and gotten their screen time, but other than decrying mainstream media outlets as Fake News, Trump has been forced to the sidelines. Worst of all, those pesky midterm elections took all the attention from him.
After briefly flirting with the idea of posting some sexy selfies on Twitter, Trump discarded that idea. His boyfriend was the jealous type, and Melania was being a real Clinton because the whole Stormy Daniels story made her look like a gold digging, trophy wife. Wasn't it enough that she was allowed to be a part of the new reality show, did she need to have feelings too? "Sean, Do you think Vlad would mind if I pulled a Kardashian?"
Hannity was quiet for a minute; then Trump realized that he had hung up on him. He called right back and repeated his question, and Sean answered with the same enthusiasm that always had when POTUS wanted something, "I think it's a great idea. Share Toad with everyone; the world wants to see it!" At that moment, the entire world collectively groaned and puked together. What's another wrong answer from the king of them?
"I haven't fired anyone in a while, like 72 whole seconds. That's a record for me. Maybe I should fire Sessions and Rosenstein, then I can get rid of Mueller, and the country can forget about this awful storyline." Mueller had been looking for ties to Russia but hadn't looked in the Lincoln Bedroom. What kind of investigator was Mueller that he missed all of the clues? Did Trump need to show him and Putin engaged in sexual activities before he understood what was happening?
Putting his hands under his chin, Trump smiled and stared at a picture of his boyfriend shirtless on a horse. That was the story that everyone wanted to see. Who didn't love a romantic storyline? Plus when it culminated in the marriage of Russia and the United States, everyone would be a winner. When that happened, he wouldn't have to worry about elections or being called treasonous. And despite what Sean said, it did not mean beautiful leader.
A text flashed on his phone, Trump scowled. Mitch McConnell had been named Kremlin's Employee of The Month. Son of Clinton that had been promised to him! Trump found his new storyline. McConnell and Putin would not get away with humiliating him like this. It was one thing to sleep with a porn star but for Putin to cheat on him with a turtle? No this would not stand. Neither could Trump, he still was a man, and Putin shirtless was enough to make any third leg grow.
"Grab 'em by the shell! Turtle Mitch doesn't have control of Senate. Maybe I should fire him?" Once the tweet was out on the interwebs, thankfully Ivanka had taught him that while she gave him a sponge bath, the country would cheer for him to take control and make things right. Plus, Vlad would know that he saw the text and would right his wrong. Some idiots tweeted back that they were a peach mint, but they spelled it all wrong. They would be thankful when then the new storyline started. Maybe after the midterms would be a good finale. They could leave it on a cliffhanger. Democracy in the balance? Good episode title. He clicked on his TV, and there was the bestie reading his tweet with furrowed brows and urging Trump to fire McConnell. Maybe America: The Reality Show could have another season, and Hannity could have more a role. But only if he was loyal.
Warren it! Hannity said on air that he couldn't fire McConnell. It was unconstitutional. Why did his posture matter? Was this the new story? Everyone was against Trump? It was not a story that he liked, but a Big Mac would make it better.
He screamed loudly, "Clintons!"