In the Land of Naughty Wheat Fields and Broken Promises

Dear Theresa,

We've got to talk. Let's begin with a statement you recently made. You were being interviewed, pretty casually I suppose, and the reporter asked you about the naughtiest thing you've ever done. Remember what you said? No? Let's recap: "I mean I have to confess, when me and my friends used to run through fields of wheat, the farmers weren't too pleased about that." You chuckled a bit. It was slightly nauseating.

So, you're telling me that the naughtiest thing you've ever done is run through some wheat fields with your buddies when you were a wee lass? Really? Now, Theresa, I just don't think that's true. I don't think you've never done something naughtier than that. What about all the times you've fucked over this country? You really don't think that's naughty? Tsk tsk. You need a lesson, naughty girl. Let's review, shall we?

You like to make a lot of promises. You're one of those politicians. I get it. I get why that's an easy strategy to use to gain support. I think that's great as long as you follow through with them. However, you essentially haven't kept a single one so far. I hate politicians who do that. Remember when you promised to provide all primary school children with free breakfasts? And then your school system minister sheepishly admitted that it would not be happening. Because Theresa, you didn't think it through. You didn't realize that these things cost money (woah what a concept). Oh well, I bet those naughty children didn't deserve it anyway, huh? And so you become just like every other politician flinging your empty promises in every direction.

This isn't the only promise you've broken either. You said you were gonna bring back grammar schools. But then you buckled under the pressure of the rest of your party because they were in opposition. So that's gone. Then there's the so-called "dementia tax," in which you promised your supporters that you would reform social care. You ditched that one pretty quickly. It's even been credited with being the reason that you lost the majority. You also promised to bring down the deficit and even be in a budget surplus by 2017. Turns out, that won't even be possible before 2020.

You broke your promise about considering bringing back fox hunting, but honestly, I'm super okay with that one because foxes are objectively wonderful creatures, and no one should hunt them ever. So, you get one point from me. But don't forget there is a ridiculous number of points still against you. You're not getting ahead just on that one.

Anyways, see how these empty promises are affecting you? Am I jogging your memory yet? I'm really trying to break this down for you. Allow me to summarize what we've learned so far. When you break promises, your followers start to feel like they can't trust you anymore. As a politician, you need to be more cognizant of this. It's not fair to those that support you to have to be constantly let down when you tell them that all these things you said were going to happen are no longer on the table. We get tired of the bullshit, and then we get angry and resentful of you. Who will support you when all you do is lie? Theresa, this will be your downfall. Breaking promises is very naughty!

Honestly, Theresa, I could keep going. I could list all the other shitty (read: naughty) things you've done, but I'm tired, and I'm sure you've heard enough. I'm not going to bombard you anymore (for now) because I also recognize that you're a human being with feelings just like the rest of us, as hard as that can be to admit. Maybe we can start a correspondence. Try being less naughty, okay? It's not too late to turn this all around.