Farha Khalidi
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I'm a Muslim Lower-Class Woman Who Loves Trump

People are often like, "Why do you worship a man who oppresses you?" And I'm like, "Why are you even talking to me, you liberal snowflake, my hotness is going to make you melt."

This past year, I've been called a lot of names. A terrorist. A sand n*****. Osama. 

But none of them have stuck with me the way one insult stuck with me. I was called, a "democrat."

It really sucks to be assumed to have a certain political affiliation simply because of my identities. You can't just assume I'm a liberal because I'm a three pronged minority oppressed by the Republican party. People always say things to me like, "Oh my gosh, Muslim treatment in America seems awful." Or mention stories of Islamophobia. Or stories of sexism. Or how the lower class is barely making ends meet. Just because I fit all those clubs, doesn't mean I care. And I can't believe you would just assume I care. That's racial profiling. You're racist.

And since you are racist and you do not support Trump, that makes Trump a non-racist. So I had no choice but to vote for Trump because I'm not a racist and I can't support your stereotyping ideologies. Along with being an advocate for racial equality, I also support Trump because he truly is helping my poor, female, brown self.

I grew up in a tiny apartment with some broke ass motherfuckers who called themselves my family. First of all, ew, like bitch, I did not choose this life, I'm too Gucci for this shit, get that hamburger patty on a sliced piece of bread outta my goddamn face. 

I didn't even have my own room. A bed sheet as a division between my space and my brothers'. And it's really hard to comprehensively enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey with just a sheet separating your sensations from your siblings. 

So when I heard that Donald Trump wanted to build a wall, I was like "YES BITCH, build that damn wall right in between my brother and me". This country needs more privacy. Because no girl should have to endure watching a BDSM erotica with her family. 

That's what I call gender equality, can I get an amen?

Secondly, Trump wants to take down ISIS and I'm like RETWEET! But Twitter twatter activists are all like, "Trump's attempts at taking down ISIS have been ineffective" Are y'all bitches blind? 

So for those of you who don't know, Isis is an Egyptian deity. She's the goddess of health, marriage, and wisdom and Trump has been euthanizing that bitch like a puppy. I mean he's taking her down by cutting healthcare, advocating against marriage equality, and weakening grade school education. 

So don't come at me with that "ineffective" nonsense. Isis be shook. 

Thirdly, a travel ban does not infringe on equality – it enforces it. Since I'm lower class, as a child I could never afford to go on vacation and travel like the rich boho bitches in my school. A travel ban is pretty much a way of saying that we don't need to go on vacation. Because we have each other and that is enough. It's pretty deep if you think about it. 

Fourthly, Trump is all for expediting these pipeline projects, y'all call "environmentally and ethically destructive." You want to know what's really ethically destructive? The sexualization of women, and I would know because again, I'm a three pronged minority, one prong stemming from my genitalia. 

So as a woman, I am constantly getting cat-called at. Sometimes it's sweet, like when he directly grabs me by the pussy, but it gets a little bit annoying when men start spouting innuendos. My least favorite being, "Ay girl, let me handle those pipes." Like excuse me Joe, but are you a fucking plumber? Well if so, that's amazing and text me because I know the plumber union pays well and I want to marry rich– but if not, then please learn that vaginas don't have pipes. And males don't know this because of the terrible sex education in schools – isn't this the kind of education you liberals advocate for? 

That's why these pipeline projects are brilliant. They give men the chance to design, construct, and ultimately learn about real pipes so they realize they need to rethink their cat calls. Education is feminism.

The fifth reason I appreciate Trump is because he doesn't resent climate change. Look Americans, I downloaded a "Quote of the Day" app to assimilate to your bullshit, zodiac culture, and if there is one thing I learned from that waste of a five dollar app, it's that change is a good thing. You need to mix things up and grow or else you'll die. 

Also, yeah, the planet may be getting warmer, but if everywhere gets hotter and we all get tan, then white privilege will no longer exist. 

So think twice before you start kissing trees, renouncing Trump in favor of them.

And think twice before you question my political affiliation. I know what I'm doing.

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