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Bill Hicks Is Not Alex Jones

Like, Not Even a Little, You Absolute Mutants

The Eyes of Love and the Eyes of Fear

I'm a big fan of Bill Hicks. I have read two of his biographies, sat through three documentaries, and watched his specials so many times to the point that I can recite chunks of his material—usually in unwelcome social situations. His message of challenging mediocrity wherever it lies is something that resonates with me, even now. So I know Hicks had something of a penchant for conspiracy theories, particularly regarding the assassination of JFK and the Waco siege, though there's another theory that hits close to home and this one involves the man himself.

Now, I don't buy into a lot of conspiracy theories, this one included. I've given some theories a chance and found most don't stand up to scrutiny. I've dismissed most as being absurd and left its believers to their own devices in the darkest corners of the internet. Believe what you want to believe, I say. But this theory pisses me off a little bit and it's a theory that believes that Hicks faked his cancer diagnosis, "died," and reinvented himself as Alex Jones. Chew on that for a second.

What I was able to glean from different sources was that most draw similarities in facial features of both Hicks and Jones or the fact they both dabbled in conspiracy theories. Right, OK. I mean, Bill maintained a healthy level of skepticism and called the government "lying cocksuckers" whereas Jones is... well, I'm sure you're familiar with where that dude falls on the scale. Most of the pictures that "support" this theory are from varying positions and some seem to inconclusive at best. They have the same amount of fingers and everything!

So, if I were to offer a counterargument, it'd be a three-parter for sure. I don't have to go into great detail either so this will be fairly light reading. Like a lot of theories, this one doesn't stand up to scrutiny that leads me to my first point in what seems logical: Motive.

Imagine, just for a moment, that you've forsaken college and a safe route through life to pursue your passion, whatever that may be, and carve out a life more befitting to you personally. Let's say you do really well at first and it seems great, euphoric even, but then you hit one speed bump after another until no one wants to hire you and you have to take whatever work you can get just to recoup what you've lost. It's soul-crushing, but you persevere. You're in this for the long haul. 10 years later, you find you have something of a following in another country. You go there, do your thing, and they fucking adore you. Another country catches wind of you and so on and so on. You're finally on the precipice of greatness, of everything you've striven for over the past decade and you've finally gained the recognition that you knew you deserved. You're lined up to front several lucrative projects with full creative control with big name companies and your future has never looked brighter. Then you get hit with a terminal illness.

That's the Hicks story. At the time of his cancer diagnosis he was pegged to star in and produce his own talk-show with Fallon Woodland, was planning two comedy albums plus a few comedy specials, and was even considering moving to the UK with his girlfriend where he was so popular. So why would he fake his own death to assume a new persona that is widely mocked by one side of the political spectrum and shunned by most of the other? Hicks was revered by his peers and critics alike, but didn't enjoy much commercial success until he hit Canada and Britain, and whatever potential was cut down by his untimely death at the age of 32. Why give that up to scream about chemtrails and gay frogs and hawk "brain supplements" on the internet? Would you? Exactly.

My second point actually comes from Hicks himself in something he said in his famous It's Just a Ride bit;

"It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one".

Now, I assume since you're reading this you have an idea of who both Hicks and Jones were/are and what they stood for. Tell me, which part of that quote reminds you of Alex Jones and which reminds you of Bill Hicks?

Lastly and probably most importantly, you should know that Hicks died in his family's house. His family watched him die. So you've got to take on board the human factor of his family never seeing Hicks again and all the grief and emotional trauma that they had to endure as a result of losing a loved one. No, I really want you to take that on board because this is something that often goes amiss in all conspiracy theories. This isn't a big government conspiracy, this is a kind of sick fan-fiction that toys with the memory of a famous person with no regard to his family members. If you can read through all that and still think Hicks faked his death then I think you're either an idiot, a ghoul, or a combination of the two. That's it. That's all this boils down to. I simply wanted to express three profound observations that poke holes in an odious internet hoax, and I know that convincing certain people otherwise is like telling a ghost hunter to check out a house that isn't haunted. When he doesn't find anything, it won't lead him to believe that ghosts aren't real, he'll simply move on to the next house.

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Bill Hicks Is Not Alex Jones
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