Ally, Bye!

Calling all Allies of marginalized groups! Calling all allies of marginalized groups! If you say you are an ally, get your ass in here!

It all started yesterday when I read a tweet that accused members of oppressed groups of driving away their allies on purpose. Then I said to myself, "Great! That's a nice way to start my afternoon." According to the tweet (made by a privileged white girl on the profile picture), allies are driven away because oppressed groups are "not nice" to them. The tweet went on to say that, if oppressed groups like the Queer community and Black people would be nice to their allies, they wouldn't have to fight discrimination alone.

Oh, Excuse me, Let me make a quick call *picks up the phone and dials number* Oh hey! Bullshit!

This is not an article meant to attack the white girl (I'm sure she's lovely...she had pretty brown eyes) but to address how one's privilege as a white, heterosexual, Christian, cis-gendered, able and/or male person, can become a blind spot even for allies. I consider myself an ally of the Queer community, so I am not exempt from the message of the article (I claim no objectivity whatsoever). With that said, we as a demographic called "ALLIES" need to understand that we have a lot of privileges and simply tweeting on social media (when it benefits us) is not the true role of an ally. If you have ever wondered whether you are truly an ally, there is one fundamental characteristic that makes you one (This characteristic was one I myself had to understand).

An ally does not mean an oppressed group has to be nice to you for you to defend them. As a matter-of-fact, marginalized groups do not need defense from a dominant/privileged ally. Being an Ally means that you have a MORAL, UNCONDITIONAL belief that every human being (be they black, white, brown, Latino, queer, female etc) is entitled to basic human rights, respect and equal opportunity. Allies are supposed to fight alongside (not be the defenders) of oppressed groups. Allies are also called allies because of their privileges (such as being a heterosexual or white) and their ability to use those privileges to fight for the rights of the oppressed.

In other words, nobody has to be nice to you in order for you to have good morals.

Immediately your alliance becomes conditional, you become a part of the problem. How you ask? Simple, what's the difference between you and the oppressor? You both have privileges that minority groups don't have. You both look alike in a lot of ways (both white, both straight, both male etc). You both want something from marginalized groups, you just happen to use a different means of getting it. As an ally waiting for women or Latinos to be nice before you defend their rights as fellow human beings, you want ass kissing and begging before you do the morally right thing. Does that answer your question? Good.

Let me not completely dismiss the tweet and try to understand where she is coming from. I think I can try and understand because I am on both teams here. Remember when I said I was an ally? I am also black. This means that I am an ally and also a member of an oppressed group (Cheers for Intersectionality!). I won't lie, there are times when we hear things like "Men are trash" or "I'm tired of white people" or "Straight people are so annoying and cry babies." And sometimes when you look exactly like the oppressor, you can feel like minority groups are also attacking you. Sometimes, such sentiments may be said right to your face (maybe while in class or in a group discussion). Nonetheless, when you are a real ally, you know better than to get in your feelings when such statements are made. Let's be honest, if you were in the shoes of the oppressed, you would probably feel the same things (if not worse!).

Imagine fighting a battle all your life just for being who you are. Imagine fighting a battle that has been passed down from generation to generation. Imagine fighting a battle that seems like you are not winning at all i.e Donald Trump is president. Of course, you are going to feel frustrated. Of course, you are going to be angry. Of course, you are going to lash out once in a while, because guess what? That's Humanity. Minorities are human beings just like the privileged are. Despite that, as a true ally who wants to listen and help fight discrimination and prejudice, you know better. You know that such sentiments come from a place of frustration (which is justified). You know such statements are not made from a place of hatred (not entirely) but from self-preservation. If you don't understand or know any of this, then you don't really know what being an ally really entails. And if you don't know what being an ally entails, then you are not an ally to begin with.

I'm out!

xoxo