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Donald Drumpf and the Lesson in Irony

Maybe leave the tweeting to people who understand what words mean, eh Donald?

By Mark WilliamsPublished 7 years ago 2 min read
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Picture from www.theregister.co.uk

Dear Donald,

I’ve been meaning to ask — do you actually have any advisors on staff at the White House? I only ask because — if you do — frankly, I’d consider using them every now and again. Not for anything important like deciding which group of people to discriminate against or in which order — I assume that choice is made arbitrarily by throwing darts at a specially-manufactured board. But maybe you should let them try out something small, like explaining IRONY to you. And here’s a freebie, Donald — irony is not the metallic compound that is processed to make steel. Just in case you get confused and brand me a terrorist and send me off for a nice vacation at Gitmo…

No, I’m speaking more specifically about your statement yesterday in which you were quick to condemn the entire global Muslim community for a terror attack in London which, at the time of writing some 14 hours later, still hasn’t been proven to have been carried out by Muslims, radicalised or otherwise. But, as has become your custom, you leapt to your smartphone and immediately spouted unqualified racist b*llshit to further your own alarming agenda, criticised the efforts of the British security services with a statement that has been largely rebuked by the British government, and decreed that the internet should be “cut off” to stop the spread of radical, extremist agendas. Sorry for the long sentences, Donald. Maybe a clever person on your staff can explain them to you. If you can find one…

In case you can’t, let me do it for you.

You — Donald J Trump — 45th President of the United States, alleged White Supremacist, self-confessed sex-pest (pussy grabber), Cold War throwback, snivelling, sycophantic, criminally-ignorant warmonger — took to Twitter to demand the internet be shut down, to stop it being used to promote extremist ideas. Like preventing people entering America based solely on their country of birth, or the faith in which they were raised and choose to follow. Riddle me this, Donald — did you choose to be born in America? Or to be a “Christian”? I use the inverted commas because I’ve not seen much from you that suggests Christian values (or human ones, for that matter), but I digress. And how the hell do you think Twitter works? Do magic pixies pick up each of your individual 140 characters and deliver them mystically around the place? I’ll give you a clue — it’s on the internet, dumbass!

Basically, in the space of 280 characters you undermined your entire modus operandi (sorry — your way of doing things — I can’t seem to stop myself using words of more than two syllables!). And as much as I’d like to see you disappear from Twitter (and the news, my TV, and the mortal world in general), I’m not ready to give up a global database of LOLcats just to give you something else to crow about.

I’ve gone on a bit, I realise, and I suspect you’re not a fan of looking at words when the internet is full of boobs and such which could occupy your “quiet time,” but I’d just like to proffer — ahem, sorry — give you some advice.

Listen to the people who are employed to keep you from destroying the planet and killing us all. Stick to golf, and let the grown-ups keep things ticking over until America has a real President again in 2020.

Yours, with utter contempt and loathing,

Mark

trump
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About the Creator

Mark Williams

Mid-30s father of one. Writer, Director, Producer and Podcaster. Mainly trying to be a decent husband, father and human being. Generally failing.

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