Dear Donald... Something Smells Funky

Dear Donald,

Something — I can't quite make out what it is, yet — smells funky.

Obviously, you've noticed it, too.

Maybe it's the continuous, yet overbearing, backlashing you constantly receive from every nook and cranny that can find a voice. Even if they don't actually complain, the mice still use ways of whispering. And, oh boy, do they whisper.

What're they saying, you ask?

That the cheese they still smell isn't as appetizing as they may have initially believed. Take into account the boisterous depiction you have created for yourself thus far, so bullish even the "Stonewall" LBJ may have faltered a little in your presence. It's no wonder nobody likes you.

Speaking of which, maybe it's not really you. Maybe it's just what you stand for. Maybe it's depiction that's the villain here, such as news articles and press releases...

No, It's Not Me, It's All of You People

When I think "Donald" — and, so the record's clear, my name is Donald — I think of a wildly insecure bully pouncing on the meek and meager's lunch money, a cafeteria full of onlookers frozen solid by the mixture of fear and confusion seeping into their minds like brainwashing secretion.

I imagine many feel the same, or something similar, because —

Damn, what is that smell?!

— something's getting violently pungent, and I still have yet to uncover its source.

Maybe it's Twitter. Over the past — what? Five years, give or take? — the social media website famous for its 140-character long thought blurbs has given you precious, ample bouts of voiced concern. "Concern," I would like to elaborate, oftentimes leaning far out of the mainstream.

Let's take a look into your most recent incessant wordsmithing:

"I was saddened to see how bad the ratings were on the Emmys last night - the worst ever. Smartest people of them all are the "DEPLORABLES." — Sep. 19, 2017

This has to be the first time in the history of time that I have ever witnessed a president, acting or not, say something about the Emmys. I know you were in the entertainment world for some time — others find that you still very much are — but, to openly and actively discuss the Emmys as the world plunges into chaos is one of the most sickening actions you have made thus far.

With record-breaking weather conditions hacking the world into pieces, unemployment still growing substantially, and North Korea firing off warning shots like Dirty Harry, America has never been so... smelly? ...before.

No, maybe it is you, because the America I once knew way back when definitely did not look like this, and to add a point: America was never "great." That's, ironically, what made it so great.

Perfection, prowess, greed, militaristic might, political integrity; these are all of the many things that have, in some way or another, made America into what it actually is: a highly respectable, necessary, and open-minded country full of immigrants, or ancestral immigrants, now assimilated into a self-engineered culture all by way of its strikingly independent mindset.

Alas, things just ain't the same anymore, I guess. Or, maybe they are, they're just masked by that horrendous stench of hatred, malpractice, and radical idealism plaguing the American political ecosystem.

A New Portraiture of America

No, whereas once we may have been lower than great, now we've dug ourselves even deeper into that hole of un-greatness. But, don't let that deter you from being the American you should be. This is key, now more than ever.

Americans actually have voice, meaning, heart, soul, unwavering strength, and courage — all of which, seems to me, are things you, yourself, lack.

The more this already brittled system becomes shrouded in your selfish, bigoted, and highly pompous attitude, the less we, as a country, well be viewed as such, a country. Like I said before, it's like we're a reality TV show now, constantly displaying the faults and miscalculations of a 20-something burnout.

So, when you told us that America would be made "great again," what was that? Lies, or another miscalculation? I think it goes much deeper than that.

Bullshit. That's what I freakin' smell! Shit still being continuously produced by the bull that is you, my president.

This back and forth between you, your counterparts, and the American people has made us cautious about every action and word you extend into reality. Plus, the slippery landscape of modern political culture is getting old.

Someone Get the Febreze...

So, keep practicing that golf swing. Go on ahead and say what you will about this and that past policy. Do what you must for the international community (because, I know it will be very little). None of us care anymore. That's our honest and full opinion, what else needs to be said?

Most importantly, do not make America great again. We don't need you messing things up any more than you already have — and, to be honest, it smells quite enough already.

In closing, we as Americans need to come together in our own right. Not an uprising, civil war kind of get-together, but on an intellectual level. A fundamental level. Yes, you are in fact ruining the ideology of what being truly American means, so now we must fix that in our own way.

No amount of Febreze will subdue the harsh aroma that pockmarks this country already, but we can certainly do well with making it less violent. It's what great Americans do best: independent thought.

Use it. Use it wisely and as a cohesive unit. Or else we are doomed to suffocate under this flagrant flatulence that is Donald Trump.

With love,

Sir Donald Gray